cross gender communication and computer mediated communication

yes we women are complicated creatures, we dont always say what we mean, mean what we say. probably the most annoying thing to men about us, and also the cause of much arguments and even couple breakups. well i guess we are like this cos we are trying to be both perfect and real at the same time! anyway, crossgender miscommunication is a topic that has always interested me. why is it that men and women just cant see eye to eye sometimes? does this only apply to facetoface comunication? this led me to think about my research topic, which compares facetoface and cmc between males and females.

for me, i prefer to talk online sometimes as compared to facetoface, especially with friends who im not that close to. i cannot find a reason as to why the preference but i guess maybe its because im the sort of person who processes my thoughts more efficiently and accurately in written form. Also, behind the screen, you cant see the facial expressions of the party your speaking to, and your opinions or statements would not be swayed by the facial expressions and/or body language of the person your speaking to.
however, when im speaking to close friends, i would definitely much rather speak in person, where conversation can flow freely. especially when i have alot to say, talking online is rather stifling cos my thoughts are gg faster than i can type!

the internet provides lots of outlets for communication through facebook, twitter, blogs. somehow, people are always less 'shy' when behind the screen. they are ore daring, as the consequences may not be as 'real'. guys are more likely to flirt with girls online, adding random girls on facebook is a comon thing for guys cos, well, theres no harm in that right? as compared to actually going up and talking to a random girl, where they may have to face the embarrassment of being rejected in the face.

behind the screen, we are all somewhat empowered with a new sense of courage to do things we would not necessarily do or say in person.

face, politeness and power

is politeness a human instinct? it seems many of us put in extra effort to be polite, purposefully inserting pleases and thankyous into our everyday conversations. all the different maxims display that much thought has to be put in when being polite. i feel by doing all this we are complicating life more than it already is. even when accepting a compliment, we have to show our appreciation in a way that would show our appreciation yet also being humble. all these social cues and constructs definitely serve to complicate issues that are really just very simple.



heres a video on how to be polite!

Components and Representation

Singapore has been said to be an individualist society, and i feel that this is so true. Singaporean culture of 'saving face' leads to most of us not wanting to interfere in others affairs. While the termed 'kaypoh' has been coined to describe singaporeans, i feel we are still not outspoken enough to prod into the business of others. We develop a MYOB-mind your own business attitude, and well sometimes who can blame us. We have heard so many stories of help given that goes unappreciated, and i guess we all fear the possible consequences of helping a stranger.

This leads to our so called individualist society. I am Singaporean, but i couldnt agree more. It is annoying and frustrating at times where the display of our 'selfishness' is so evident and embarrassing. Even the simplest things like charging into the MRT and not letting those coming out alight first is a clear example of this individualist culture. urgh, singaporeans can be so annoying, haha.

Written discourse

ive always has a problem with my chinese compositions since young as ill directly translate from english to mandarin thinking it would make sense, and end up finding out from my teacher and her bright red underlining and question marks, that it doesnt.

every language is governed by its own grammar rules, and we cannot assume we know a language without fully understanding and mastering the use of their grammar. I personally found learning the malay language difficult and at times frustrating. I couldnt for the life of me get the grammar usuage, while i do know words here and there, when asked to put together a complete and proper sentence, im at a lost. maybe im just not cut out to be a bilingual hahaha

spoken discourse

My mom was quite appalled the other day when she overheard my end of the telephone conversation i was having with my friend. it went something like this:

Ringring..

Me: Later, 5, bishan, k?
Friend: k, set.

End.

She was lamenting on how politeness and social etiquette has been lost in my generation. Hahaha, well i guess i little hello or smth would have been nice, but my friend and i have known each other for years and i guess we didnt require all this unnecessary 'politeness cues'. Its not that we are rude to each other, its more of the result of our friendship and the sense of comfort around each other. We do exchange our pleases' and thankyous, but somehow our hellos and goodbyes were lost somewhere as our friendship grew closer.
On a sidenote, my friend does not like to say 'bye' or 'goodbye', rather he prefers 'see you' or 'talk to you soon'. haha, its a thing of his, like he thinks saying goodbye is like a bad omen.

Anyway, so yes, telephone greetings. In a professional setting the conversation would usually be filled with social etiquette-following mannerisms. An extensive amount of thankyous, pleases', ibegyourpardons and whatnots. Why do we follow such rules when conversing? Its all part of the social conditioning we have been through. it is through this that we come to perceive actions of speech as being 'polite' or 'impolite'. What IS being polite? i think the line between the two extremities differ across cultures, and ultimately the universal 'hello, how are you' is the safest way to go!

speech events

Hi again. I wasnt present at this seminar as i was in hospital so im not sure what was discussed.
From what i gathered through the handouts and some researching from wikipedia [:o)], speech events include public speaking, acting, reading and intepretation.

Do speech events include things like traditions and taboos? Or maybe like the societal norms of conversation? For example in the handout regarding the invitation extended to the son-in-law to eat dinner at his inlaws? I guess we are taught not to trouble people, while at the same time being gracious polite, thereby resulting in the pattern of our conversations?

Hm, i hope im on the right track. I guess most of our speech events are governed by some sort of belief. For example, our actions and words may be governed by our religion and what it embodies; As a catholic, i am thought to do unto others what you want them to do unto you, as well as living by a set of commandents set by God. As such, we try our best to live accordingly for fear of not being able to go to heaven and being left in purgatory or smth.
For those who believe in karma (as i do), we often try not to carry out any karma-inducing actions or conversations.

I shall leave yall with a clip from the Big Bang Theory. (no it is not a documentry on evolution, but rather a comedy series!) In this clip, the main guy is left with the dilemma of finding the most approproate christmas gift for his neighbour after hearing that his neighbour had gotten him a gift. Therefore, in order to fulfill this 'social obligation' he carries out an extensive plan to find the perfect gift for her. In a way, the act of giving and receiving gifts is a speech event, and in the clip, the guy's take on this act is rather interesting and not usually a norm.

i have no idea how to embed the video into the post, so ill just provide the link! watch if your interested!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G3KItej-Ms&feature=related

speech acts

hello everyone, sorry for the late post- apparently hospitals arent equipped with a wireless connection for patients to use, so i couldnt access the worldwideweb at all during my week stay there. in case your wondering i was admitted for a cornea ulcer :/, damn contact lenses. i had needles scrapping my eye every other day and drops in my eye that had the sensation of like a paper cut, but on my eye. i couldnt open my eye, and even if i did, the light would hurt it, so yupp i felt like a pirate during that week.

anyway, i find it rather interesting to examine the ways in which different cultures react to compliments or even insults. i read somewhere that someone labelled speech acts as 'intercultural danger zones' which i find rather funny hahaha. well, i guess a compliment to one may be seen as an insult to another. a friend of mine was telling me about how she was complimented by a foreigner friend of hers on how her skin was so 'moist'. while her friend did mean it in a positive way, my friend was alarmed for a moment and quickly took out her cleannclear oil blotters to de-oil her 'shining' face, haha. i guess this is an everyday example of how misintepretations happen, and i do agree that such differences in intepretations of speech acts could be problematic especially with such a diverse range of cultures in the world. but i guess with globalisation and everything this matter can be easily resolved i the near future.

oh, i also found that the speech act theory is linked to the censorship laws in singapore. the speech act theory basically states that “people do more things with words than convey information, and that when people do convey information, they often convey more than their words encode.” hmmm, i guess this is why the government is so strict on any kinds of potentially conflictive movies, and perhaps even things like protests which can disrupt our national stability.
hmmm, words are really powerful, which i guess is why charismatic leaders are always more popular among the general masses.